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A Quarterly Journal
Jeffrey Woodward, Founder & Owner
Ray Rasmussen, General Editor

Volume 11, Number 2, June 2017
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Scott Malmberg
Verona, Wisconsin, USA


Sapiosexual

"Who's your favorite author?" she asks, trying to measure me against her sliding scale of bare minimums for barroom conversation.

"I am," I answer.

"What do you mean, you are?" she asks, taking the bait without hesitation.

"I mean, I am my favorite author. I used to read a lot of Hunter S. Thompson when I was young but he's dead now so I doubt there will be anything of merit published by him again. So by default my favorite guy is me."

"What do you write?"

"I write all kinds of stuff. I've finished a book and started another. I write short stories and erotica. I have about half of a children's novel written, which I should really get back to because it is probably my best idea. And I write tons of shitty poetry."

"Can I read something you’ve written?" she asks, wondering just how full of shit I am.

"What's your email?"

I send her a short story about a snowshoe race I was in. She says she loves it and wants to read more. I roll the dice and send her an erotic tale filled with dark fantasies of pleasure and pain. There is a nervous period of radio silence. I wonder how long before I'm served with a restraining order.

Finally a reply; she apologizes for not getting back to me sooner. "Had to run to the store for batteries. Got any more like this?"

"I might."

wildfire season
I eat the cookie
that I don’t want

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end

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